Sunday, August 26, 2012

Being Calm

Today's gift is being calm.

Many times throughout my daughter's life she has been extremely calm in situations where you would have thought she would become agitated or upset.  Through these times, she has taught me to remain calm when a stressful or unknown situation arises.  I wish I could say I "always" remain calm, but I do not.  I need to constantly remind myself, to be calmer.

Tonight as I was putting my daughter to bed everything was going the way it normally does....we were cuddling in bed, reading her favorite stories and then we were starting to read her chapter book.  When I read to her, I will glance at her face often to see if she is starting to get sleepy and to just look at her....as she is always so peaceful when she is falling asleep.

When I looked at her as I was reading her chapter book, she had "the look" on her face....the look which indicates she is not happy.  I knew something was about to brew.  I kept reading and told myself to be calm.  As I was reading, I was also going over in my head all the funny things I could think of which usually make her laugh so I could incorporate them in between my pages of Judy Moody.  This was working and then out it came...."PP....Bee"....these are her go to "I am mad" words.

Now, to the outsider, you would think "pp" means she has to go to the bathroom.....if she didn't have "the look" I would tell you, you are correct; however, in this case, it is not.  I didn't want her to escalate and have a behavior as she has had such a great day....and a great week for that matter!  So I just kept breathing and remained calm.....talking to her in a soft voice....telling her I was so sorry I did not know what was bothering her.  I asked her if any part of her body hurt and she said "yay"....so I started naming off all her body parts....and she responded "yay".....to all of  them.  Unless she hurt all over, which is unlikely, I didn't think her answers to me were accurate.  I even went a step further and asked her a silly question, which she also answered with a "yay"....validating what I thought.

It breaks my heart, to see her upset and I have no idea what is wrong.  If I only knew, her life would be so much easier.  I just looked at her and continued to tell her how sorry I was and I wish I knew what was bothering her.  Then a tear fell from her eye....which then makes me feel like the worst mom on the planet!  Here my daughter is upset....crying....and I have no idea why she is upset or how to help her....I only feel helpless.  As I looked in her eyes....of course with tears in mine...I just told her how much I loved her over and over and over again.  Our eyes, connected and I know she understands I would do anything for her....and it truly does break my heart to see her like this.

While I was talking to her, I started to sing some of her favorite songs and I noticed she had her hand on her stomach....they were up higher as she was wringing them when she was more upset, but as she calmed down she placed them on her stomach.  I asked her if her stomach hurt and she said "yay"....this time I think she meant it....for two reasons.  One, she was calmer, when I asked her the question and two I gave her some stomach medicine and she was asleep within 15 minutes!

When my daughter is very upset there is no reasoning with her as she has reached the point where nothing matters and we need her to "be calm" for her to listen to us.....the same is true for me....I need to "be calm" for her when she needs me to listen to her....which means watching her body language as her body language speaks volumes!

While her medicine was working, my husband came in to see how she was feeling and she got a huge smile on her face!  After seeing this smile I knew she was going to be okay....her daddy snuggled with her in bed after she said she wanted him to lay with her, and I was okay leaving them to drift off to dreamland together.

Until she can tell me what is wrong every time she is upset, I will always feel helpless not knowing....but I will always try to be calm for her and I hope she will be calm for me too, so we can help each other when we need each other the most.

Here are some quotes for today....

Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself.  You will then find out how easy it is to get along- Paramahansa Yogananda

Calm can solve all issues- Pope Shenouda III

Keep calm and carry on.....I couldn't help but put this one down....they have Keep Calm for everything now!

2 comments:

  1. Thankyou for this... I am trying to learn to stay calm..... you have such a great admiral relationship with your daughter........
    Janie x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Janie! Some days are easier than others, but I try to always tell myself to take a deep breath!!! Hugs!!! I hope Olive has said Mummy over and over and over again for you!

      Delete