Unconditional Love

I don't think that there is a better gift to start this blog off with other than the gift of unconditional love.  This gift is given to me daily by my daughter.  Last night and into the wee morning hours we were experiencing some issues that would cause some tension and frustrations between each other.  She was unhappy due to having an accident in her sleep and she doesn't like this to happen.  So she gets embarrassed and her way of letting me know she is embarrassed is to have a behavior.   Needless to say, I don't like it when this happens either.  I can take care of cleaning up an accident, this doesn't bother me; however, the behaviors that follow is what is extremely frustrating for us both.

My heart actually aches that I can not understand what is bothering her so much that she wants to lash out like this to us and to herself.   She gets to the point of no return and gets there so fast that we can not reason with her, but rather have to wait for her to calm down (which could take an hour!).  Trust me, we try to get her to communicate through her communication devices to tell us what is wrong, but all she does is through  it down.  And I would say 50% of the time we can "see" a behavior starting and 50% of the time we can divert it, but the others we can not and those are the most frustrating!  

Through these behaviors there is a lot of sweat and tears.  She is 53 pounds of solid muscle!   There are many times, that I swear that she has a third arm come out when she is mad, as I will be holding both of her arms down with all my might and yet she still can figure out how to rip my ear off!  Yes, you can laugh here, because I do too many times.  And please do not get me wrong, I do NOT think this situation is funny.  But when the episode is all done, I do laugh at how someone half my size is able to take me down.  I need to be watching her moves more closely so I can remember them!  I have to laugh sometimes to help me get through these situations as crying isn't going to help.

Through all the sweat and tears there is a little girl who is trapped inside her own body screaming to get out  and she is looking at me with this look in her eyes, that just says "help me"....and I can't!  Do you know how helpless this make me feel?  I am her mother, I am to protect her and make sure nothing happens to her and help her when she needs me; yet at this point she REALLY needs me and I don't know what she wants or how to help her.  I just look at her and tell her how sorry I am and that I love her more than anything and pray that I can understand more one day and for her to help me understand.

When her behavior ends, it is like this magic switch gets turned on and she is 100% happy and looks at me with the biggest smile and says the loudest "Mommy"!   At that point, I know that even at a time when she needed me and I couldn't help her, she still loves me.   She loves me all the time no matter the situation.  She loves me with all her heart and she loves me for me.   She doesn't try to change me, she doesn't tell me what she thinks I should be doing, she doesn't tell me how to do things differently, she doesn't talk back to me, she doesn't get mad at me, she doesn't talk down to me, she doesn't tell me anything, but the 70 words that she is blessed that she can say and the one I love to hear more than anything is....MOMMY!  And trust me, I am sure there is more that she would like to say to me too!

My love for her was strong before she was even born.  My love for her now is stronger than I ever knew. She teaches me every day about unconditional love and that she will love me no matter what.  Anyone can say that they love you unconditionally, but to do they act in a way that you feel they love you unconditionally?  

I love quotes and I wanted to end today's gift with this quote for you to think about.....

“Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstances.” Stephen Kendrick, The Love Dare