Friday, August 3, 2012

Trust

Today's gift is trust.  My daughter had her annual physical at the doctors office this afternoon.  Like most kids, they don't like going to the doctor for fear of the shots.  But I don't think my daughter has necessarily a fear for shots as she does, going to the doctor in general.   
From birth to the age of 4 my daughter had the normal "well" checks at her pediatrician's office.  However,  around the age of 4 we started to notice that she just seemed off and decided to do our own research.  This research lead us to see doctor after doctor and they would have to perform test after test.  I wish that the tests were handwritten, compared to sticks and pokes!  I felt like my daughter was a pin cushion for a year of her life!  It was horrible to watch.  She has very delicate veins and sometimes it is hard to get blood drawn from her.  When we found a phlebotomist we liked and trusted we made sure to get their work hours and home address!  Just kidding on the address, but if it came to that I would have!  Once you find someone who can draw your child's blood the first time, they are a hero in your eyes!!!!
During this year of her life, she had so much trust in us every time we took her to the doctor.  We would hold her hand and tell her it is ok and we are here with her.  But no matter how many times I told HER it was ok, I think I really needed someone to tell ME it was ok.  It is hard to get a four year old child to understand you are really doing all this to "help " them as were we trying to get answers.  
I have to be honest, when "D" (diagnosis) Day came I was relieved!  It was the closure on many levels I think that we needed to move forward.  It was the day we knew what we were faced with and the day I knew for a long time she didn't need any more tests and visits to the doctor...would be just that....visits!
No matter the situation my daughter trusts me to get her through it!  But the most frightening I think for her are the visits to the doctors office.  She is great in the waiting room, but as soon as we walk back her anxiety level starts to go up.  Today it was as soon as we got into the examine room.  I just kept talking to her (just like I did on the car ride over) to let her know it was just a visit so she can go to school.  While I know she trusted me, there was a little bit of doubt in her eyes as I am sure she was worried to death that something was going to hurt.  But just as I promised her for this visit, there was nothing to be worried about.  She did GREAT!  
Just as she trusted me all the years with the doctors visits and still does today, I also have to trust her that she is going to be a good patient for me.  I will not lie, I get just as nervous going to the doctor by myself with her, that she is going to develop a behavior.  Knock on wood, this has not happened to me, but I hope it doesn't ever happen either.  I go with a bag full of  tricks and try to keep the peace with her!  I always have something I know she will love in case I need to bring out the serious reinforcements!  And I think that she knows this and trusts me that I have her back!  I do and I always will!
As I write this blog tonight I can't help but think of another little girl who's life has been far worse in comparison to my daughter's when it comes to doctor visits and being a pin cushion and surgeries.  My heart aches every time I hear of a child who has to suffer and can not be JUST A CHILD!  While my experience with trust with my daughter is important to us and our relationship, my friend's experience with trust between her and her daughter is just as important to their relationship.  There is nothing like seeing your child suffer, there is nothing like telling your child they HAVE to go through this once again, there is nothing like seeing the look of fear in their eyes when we  tell them all this and all they do is look at you and TRUST that you are right.  To be honest, this "look" kills me, but knowing she trusts me is what helps me get through the tough times.
My friend's daughter I mention above had her 29th surgery today and she is only 6!!!  She has had quite the journey.  Her mother and I became friends last year and immediately became friends...because once you have the connection of having a child with special needs....you have  miles on your friendship.  If you get the chance to visit her blog, please do. 
Here is my quote I will leave you with today...
The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them- Ernest Hemingway
P.S. I apologize for the font change from my other posts.....I guess my computer didn't trust me!


1 comment:

  1. Thanks Emilie! I know that she doesn't trust anyone in scrubs. They say they are "just looking" for a vein as if that's supposed to be comforting. She knows very well what they are going to do when they find one. The fighting is done to keep that from happening (in her mind). Great post!

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