Saturday, January 26, 2013

Recognition

Today's gift is recognition.

Have you ever thought what it might be like to be in pain or not feel well, but you could not communicate this to anyone....verbally?  I haven't imagined this myself..until I had a daughter who is nonverbal.

I have had a history of stomach pains which rears its ugly head sporadically and when it does I often think about my daughter and what if she was having horrific pains like these one night.  I would never  truly know and we would think she was upset and having a behavior.  When I get these "stomach pains" I act out in a behavior....as the pain is unbearable....worse than contractions!

The difference is, when I am in pain I can verbally explain what hurts and you can help me if help is needed.  When she is in pain...we have no idea or need to play the guessing game.

As you may know from previous posts, I am in the middle (to near end) of my training for the Disney Princess Half Marathon and I have to be honest my head is not in the game like it was last year.  I do not know why, but I think it is due to the fact I know what to expect this time.  Last year I had never run a half marathon and was in the unknown, this year I know.   I am not training as hard as I was....and mother nature is not helping!

Today on our 10 mile run, around mile 8 my achilles tendon started hurting...really bad.  We walked it out...then ran...then walked...then ran.  On one of our walking periods, I said to my running fairy (friend), " I feel so bad for my daughter.  If her achilles tendon hurt this  much before, during or after her surgery I feel horrible for not recognizing the pain she was in"!

It kills me to think she could not feel well or be in pain and I have no idea.  I hate playing the guessing game and wish she could just tell me.  This is one thing I do not take for granted with my other children....at all.

I really felt for my daughter today....it really hit home to me.  However, the difference between me and her is....I complained about it...constantly....and she never did...or never does.  I don't know if she expects pain to be a part of her life (I hope not), if she doesn't feel pain like I do (a good chance as girls with Rett Syndrome have a high pain tolerance) or she is one tough cookie (which is probably the case!).

I honestly can't imagine what it would be like to not be able to express my feelings.  And days like today really made me recognize how hard it must be for her to express her feelings...especially when she is in pain.

Here is a quote for today...


Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition- Alexander Smith


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