Thursday, June 27, 2013


Today's gift is tears.

We have two types of tears...tears of joy and tears of pain. 

Tears of joy come from something wonderful making you shed tears of happiness.  Tears of joy can also come from laughing so hard you actually cry!

Tears of pain come from something causing you pain...physical pain or something making you sad or upset.

My daughter rarely cries.  She is one tough cookie...physically and emotionally.  But when she does, I would love for all her tears to be tears of joy....but that isn't the case.   

When she sheds tears, they are tears of pain.  This is my big clue something is not right.  Having a non-verbal child, it is extremely difficult to pin point what is wrong when she is upset.  It is a guessing game where you ask yes or no questions hoping and praying for accurate answers. 

Tonight was one of those times.  As I was putting her to bed she was just a little off.  I didn't think too much of it and just cuddled her close to me as we read.  But when the whimpering and crying started I knew something was wrong.  And my heart ached for her as I felt helpless.    I hate seeing her upset AND not being able to tell me what is bothering her.

The tears along with her first firm answer of where it 'hurt" helped me to help her quicker.   For the first time she only answered "yes" to one area...usually it is to multiple body parts leaving me to question her accuracy. 

She indicated her stomach between some medicine, a hot water bottle, cuddles and love from mom we got through the tears together.

While I don't like seeing her all, the tears were a gift to me in the fact that I knew she was in pain and had to help her as fast as I could.   The tears were her sign to me...'mommy I need you'. 

As I type this in bed next to her, her tears have been wiped away and she has drifted off to dreamland.  She is comfortable now and I am comfortable leaving her to sleep.  The only tears left are mine....tears of sadness as I can't stand to see her with any discomfort.   Tears because I hate Rett Syndrome.  Tears because I was proud of us working through this together.  

Here is a quote for today....

A strong person is not the one who doesn't cry.  A strong person is the one who cries & sheds tears for a moment, then gets up and fights again- Author Unknown

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